Thursday, June 12, 2008

The Mega Park

He's gonna be fine.

That's what I keep telling myself, over and over.

He'll have a blast.

But, I can't get rid of the gnawing in my stomach-- and I cannot stop thinking about all the things that could go wrong.

What if he's low while he's at the top of a rollercoaster?

That place is so big-- what if he can't find Ryan?

They'll be in the Dells, where a storm is headed-- where there'd been massive flooding over the weekend.

"Sandra, it's gonna be great. Just relax," Ryan tells me this morning as I begin spewing out some of these fears.

But I can't relax.

Since first hearing of this end-of-school-year field trip, I've been quietly fretting.

A mega indoor/outdoor water and theme park-- over an hour away...

Jam packed with middle-schoolers from all over the state.

My heart is in my throat just thinking about it.

"What will you do if you're in a long line and feel low?" I ask Joseph over breakfast.

"I'll take some glucose and go check in with Dad," he responds in a matter-of-fact tone.

"But who will go with you?" I continue-- struggling to keep the tension out of my voice.

"Probably one of my friends."

"Probably? Bud, you have to make sure someone goes with you-- that park is huge."

"Mom, Mom- stop worrying. Geez, I'm gonna be okay. You're driving me crazy."

So I back off.

Before they leave, Ryan and I discuss how much we should lower Joseph's basal rates while he's running around the park, while he's swimming...

When we're finished I just sit in my chair, quietly staring down at my hands-- until I can't keep it in any longer.

"You know, if he didn't have diabetes, I wouldn't be freaked out at all. I loved amusement parks as a kid. I just- "

"A lot of things would be easier if he didn't have diabetes," Ryan says--and then adds with a shrug, "but it is what it is."

He picks up the black backpack, his duffel-- and walks out the door.

Sitting here now -- listening to the rumble of thunder -- all I can think is how very long this day is gonna be.


Allison said...

Your husband sound *just* like my dad. Which is a good thing, imo. Let us know how everything goes! I'm sure he'll have a great time.

Scott K. Johnson said...

I think it's natural for a mom to worry about their kid. Honestly, if it wasn't diabetes wouldn't it be something else (getting lost or whatever)?

You are just doing your natural motherly duties Sandra - don't fret about it.

Colleen said...

You will survive this! Honest! They'll have a great time and you'll sleep better tonight.

Anonymous said...

What Scott said. (But maybe you won't realize that until you start having to "let go" of Evan...)