A Not-So-Nice Friend Story

Last week, I read Allison's wonderful post relating a very touching conversation that illustrates the value of a sensitive, caring friend.

Someone who "actually gives a damn" about the needs of a friend with diabetes.

Frankly, the post struck a chord -- big time -- when Joseph was confronted with a stark contrast to its contents just three days later.

He called at the usual time to give me his pre-lunch sugar, sounding a little unhappy-- this, despite the fact that his bg was just fine.

So I asked if something was wrong.

"Yeah, Mom. Sam's mad at me, and I really don't know why."

Sam is one of Joseph's closest friends, a boy with his own troubles (his parents divorced almost two years ago) who comes to our house at least once a week.

Joseph likes Sam very much.

"Joseph, have you asked what's buggin' him?"

"Yeah, but he just keeps acting all annoyed. I apologized, even though I don't know what for, but he's still just acting all mad. He was teasing me while I was playing this game on the computer in class, saying--

'Nick is better than Joseph. Nick is better than Joseph.'

It was weird."

I agreed. That was kind of strange. These boys are almost inseparable in class.

"Well, honey... try not to let it bother you. Sam might just be in a funky mood today."

And with that, Joseph went off to lunch.

But then...

Joseph called back 30 minutes later to confirm his bolus.

This time, he sounded upset.

"Mom, Sam's being a real jerk! At lunch, Kristel gave me her chicken teriyaki and rice... you know how that's my favorite? Well, I got to eat two of them today."

I could feel him smiling through the phone as he said this.

But then, just as quickly, I knew the smile was gone.

"Hey, that sounds pretty cool to me."

"Yeah, I know. That was great, but Sam wanted more chicken teriyaki, too. He was sitting at another table and saw that I got more, and... "

This is when his voice caught.

"... he just started saying really loud--

'Joseph thinks he's special cause he's got Di - a - beeee - tees.'

Over and over, real slow. Just like that."

"Oh."

"You know how I can take most teasing, but I really don't like it if anyone teases me about my diabetes? Well that's what Sam did... and I just don't know why."

The desperation in his voice was unmistakable.

And with that desperation, came the fury of a mother who wanted, more than anything else, to ring the neck of the child who her hurt her son. A child who has watched Joseph struggle through countless highs and lows.

I wanted to have a "chat" with Sam. Because, by God, it was almost unfathomable to me that a FRIEND would taunt my son about his disease.

A close friend.

Yes, he's only ten. But come on.

So, as Joseph continued telling me how this hurt him... how Sam told him after lunch that he was "getting [Joseph] back for 3rd grade," but refused to tell him anything more than that...

As my son continued to unload his pain and confusion, I struggled to pull myself together. To remember that I'm a mother, not a vigilante. That I need to help him deal with this kind of thing, because it will surely not be the last time someone teases him about having diabetes.

But damn it, why'd it have to be his friend?

"Joseph, Sam's got something going on. Maybe he felt left out because you were playing with other kids on the computer this morning. Maybe something's going on that we're not even aware of. Regardless, what he said to you was wrong. And, while we can try to understand it, there's still no excuse for it."

"Yeah, mom. I know."

"I know you know. But you need to let Sam know."

And so he did.

Later that afternoon, he confronted Sam about what he had said. According to Joseph, Sam apologized and now they're "okay."

I was glad to hear it.

But here we are, days later, and (though I haven't told Joseph) I'm still upset.

My son just doesn't need this kind of hurt.