Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Losing It

Today was a beautiful day. Sunny, 72 degrees, a slight breeze. That's why when Joseph called home and asked me to pick him up after school, I said "sure." After all, he'd get home a lot faster than if he took the bus. And that would give him more time outside on this glorious day.

Besides, his school is only 10 minutes away.

So I loaded Evan into our small 95' Honda Odyssey, cranked the stereo with some U2 (Beautiful Day, of course) and headed to the highway. After getting off at the second exit, I drove a short stretch before noticing a vehicle with red flashing lights quite a few cars back. Then, after driving a few blocks, and turning right onto a residential street, I saw the green Dodge Neon just ahead of me, pull over. No blinker. Just pulled over. Annoyed, I checked the rearview before driving around the Neon.

That's when I saw those red flashing lights closing in fast. I turned down the radio, and could now hear the siren.

I pulled over, too. And turned my head in time to see "PARAMEDICS" splashed across the side of the small red truck as it sped past my van and continued on... and then I realized that those paramedics were heading toward Joseph's school, just a few short blocks away.

I drove on, heart racing, something large sticking at the back of my throat. All the time, my eyes glued to the back of that red truck.

Please don't take that left. Please don't take that left.

It made the left.

No, no, no. Please, no.

The Paramedics were closing fast on the next left, the one that would lead them to the front of the school. For those few seconds, time slowed. I could feel my heart pounding in my chest. Eyes, filling with tears.

But the Paramedics kept going. They never took that second left.

Less than a minute later, I sat in my van, parked across the street from the main entrance to the school, sobbing quietly-- cheeks soaked, stomach wrenching. Heart, still pounding.

Trying not to scare Evan, who sat blissfully unaware of what had just happened.


Shannon said...

I can imagine how you must have felt watching that paramedic take the same route as you.

I would've been hyperventilating myself.

Anonymous said...

Ah, tears for me this Wednesday morning. I left Bailey at school on Monday at 101 with 2 hours left of insulin working. It was time for "creative movement" and I gave her juice (thinking she'd be in the 300s for an over-correction).. and I asked that she be checked in 20 min. by the nurse.

I got back in the car and cried. Maybe it was after a long weekend of solo diabetes care, I dont know... but I can totally relate to your incident.


terrilynn said...

I'm sorry you had to go through that fear, but so very glad that it was unwarranted.

Kerri. said...

I can imagine my heart catching in my throat, were it my child around that second left.

I'm glad everyone is okay.

Sandra Miller said...

Thanks, all of you, for the kind words. I was a bit on the fence about posting this-- mainly because my reaction to seeing that truck really shocked me... made me wonder how really "together" I am about all of this stuff.

Maybe not so much as I thought.

christy214 said...

My heart skipped a beat for you.
I worry the same and feel that I have it together, but there was one day I had thought I'd done something terribly wrong in giving his insulin.
The nurse at school, told me that I would never have done it, and not to worry. My husband tells me not to worry. Josh was fine, but for that hour or two, I'll never forget the panic of thinking what could happen....If I saw Paramedics heading towards his school, I would have most ceartainly lost it as well!!
I'm glad everything turned out fine.