Losing It

Today was a beautiful day. Sunny, 72 degrees, a slight breeze. That's why when Joseph called home and asked me to pick him up after school, I said "sure." After all, he'd get home a lot faster than if he took the bus. And that would give him more time outside on this glorious day.

Besides, his school is only 10 minutes away.

So I loaded Evan into our small 95' Honda Odyssey, cranked the stereo with some U2 (Beautiful Day, of course) and headed to the highway. After getting off at the second exit, I drove a short stretch before noticing a vehicle with red flashing lights quite a few cars back. Then, after driving a few blocks, and turning right onto a residential street, I saw the green Dodge Neon just ahead of me, pull over. No blinker. Just pulled over. Annoyed, I checked the rearview before driving around the Neon.

That's when I saw those red flashing lights closing in fast. I turned down the radio, and could now hear the siren.

I pulled over, too. And turned my head in time to see "PARAMEDICS" splashed across the side of the small red truck as it sped past my van and continued on... and then I realized that those paramedics were heading toward Joseph's school, just a few short blocks away.

I drove on, heart racing, something large sticking at the back of my throat. All the time, my eyes glued to the back of that red truck.

Please don't take that left. Please don't take that left.

It made the left.

No, no, no. Please, no.

The Paramedics were closing fast on the next left, the one that would lead them to the front of the school. For those few seconds, time slowed. I could feel my heart pounding in my chest. Eyes, filling with tears.

But the Paramedics kept going. They never took that second left.

Less than a minute later, I sat in my van, parked across the street from the main entrance to the school, sobbing quietly-- cheeks soaked, stomach wrenching. Heart, still pounding.

Trying not to scare Evan, who sat blissfully unaware of what had just happened.