Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Change Is Coming

Reading Violet's post this morning, I found myself nodding with the realization that what she describes there is exactly what we've been experiencing here over the last couple of months.

The highs. The ever-present, ever-creeping highs.

At first I thought it was the colder temperatures-- the decrease in physical activity. Possibly the flu shot a few weeks ago. A growth spurt? Perhaps.

Maybe all of these things.

Then again, maybe none of them.

Like Violet, Joseph has been gradually needing more insulin. His two hour post-breakfast sugars have been spiking into the two and three hundreds. Not terribly unusual. Except that he's not coming down to normal range by lunchtime. We're still working on this one.

His overnight numbers have been creeping up as well -- to the point that, when once he took as little as .025, he now takes as high as .325.

Yeah, we've seen this kind of thing before-- more than once. But each time, he seemed to go through some sort of acute stage-- when he needed a lot of insulin (during a growth spurt), only to slide back to needing just a bit more insulin than he had before the episode began.

Not this time.

I've been told that control will be a lot easier when Joseph leaves the honeymoon. That because he'll no longer receive that "mystery dose" from his pancreas, his blood sugars will become more predictable.

But I've also read that control will be more difficult because there will no longer be the safety net of that back-up dose. That whatever my son receives will come from the outside.

We'll be on our own.

Lately, I haven't let myself seriously consider this possibility-- rarely attributing what has been going on to the honeymoon's end. Sure, I've mentioned to Ryan that "this might be 'it.'" But I've thought that before, and been wrong. Now, this morning, the possibility of this being 'it' seems to make all the sense in the world.

And yet, just as before, I still have a hard time with this one. For, despite Joseph having had this disease for over a year now, I still take comfort in the thought that he has some beta cell function.

Well, now it may be time to move on. To fully accept the fact of this disease in all it's full-blown glory.

Yeah, we've got a lot of work to do-- he's really gonna hate the basal rate testing that I think is inevitable if we're ever going to get back some semblance of control. His next endo visit is in just a few weeks. The way things have been going over the past couple of months, I fully expect a rise in the A1c.

Ah well.

Man, all of a sudden I just feel sad.

To be expected, I suppose.


Martha O'Connor said...

Our son was dxed a year and four months ago, and while I haven't noticed a jump in total insulin requirements, I HAVE noticed that the disease has been much more unforgiving in the last, say, 6 months. Early on, we could give him a cracker pack just to eat as a snack, whereas now, I even have to bolus for the cough syrup he took today. I don't know if it's the end of the honeymoon or what. Here's hoping the endo appt. gives you some answers. Martha

Val said...

Yes, it seems like I'm hitting that too. We had all new basal rates that worked great for almost a month (a record for me) and now it's all screwy again.
Hopefully you can get a few days with a CGMS to help figure out what's going on - fasting and guessing is such a pain!

Jamie said...

Thanks for the link to Violet's post. Both of you have written things that I have thought and felt. Yes, I don't have Diabetes myself, but because Danielle is too little to control her own disease - it's my responsibility - so in a way, I, too, have Diabetes. I just don't know what a high or low feels like.

It's so frustrating, to say the least. We go through a change of sorts with Danielle about once a month. While I wish her little beta cells would hang on just a bit longer, I know it's false of me to keep on believing it's going to be like this forever. I think coming to the realization that the "honeymoon" is coming to an end is almost like being re-diagnosed. While we've always had the back up insulin the body produces to fall back on, when thats gone - it's over. We're in Diabetes mode, 100%.

It is sad.

Violet said...

Sandra, thanks for sharing another piece of Joseph's story. My post-lunch BG today was a lot like what Joseph's been getting. I'd be quite adrift, today in particular, without the O.C.

I'm trying to tell myself: Life is change. Life is change. Life is change.

It's sort of working.

Kerri. said...

I honeymooned for almost five years, according to the doctors at Joslin. It's been spectulated that the extended honeymoon period contributed to my extremely brittle diabetes. (Yes, "brittle" is an outdated term. But it suits me fine. I'm still using it.) Everything affects my bloodsugars: coffee, exercise, laughing too hard, sex, a cold, my period, road rage, crying, dancing, drinking, working ...

... you know, Living.

Frustrating little beast, this D can be. :)

Martha O'Connor said...

Hi there again,
I blogged about the end of the honeymoon today... just my own limited experience. Here it is.

Elizabeth said...

Your story sounds so familiar! I am going through the same thing right now. I am remembering my post about coffee and how it is raising my BG. I hate having to bolus for that now!

Good luck!

Vivian said...

It is not fair, all the sadness and changes this disease brings. It is so hard to watch our babies have to go through something adults don't even want to deal with. I believe your son will get through this, do wonderful and continue to bring you many blessings and kisses. Hang in there and know we are all right here.